Our descent into a weird new normalcy…
Normalcy is never something I craved. I’ve always rebelled against having a regular routine, I’ve never felt like I fit into that box. I think it’s why I never felt satisfied in a 9-5 job, and why I love working for myself so much. I need the freedom to dictate my own schedule, for every day to be different, and I always assumed that meant I didn’t have or need a routine.
Much to my surprise, it turns out I do. It wouldn’t considered ‘normal’ by most people’s standards- far from it- but it is my routine nonetheless. A routine of planning each week differently, of slotting in ever-changing “to dos”. While my hours aren’t ever set in stone, my activities are and so is the flexibility I plan them with.
All of that is out the window right now though, because right now every day IS the same. I wake up and have an energized toddler to look after all day- a toddler who has picked this very convenient time to give up her afternoon nap. I am sharing my usually quiet, empty space with two other people and it’s felt totally chaotic learning to work around each other. I do have the evening to try to fit in my work hours, make time for a run, prep and cook dinner, catch up with friends online and maybe read a few chapters of a book- if I can muster the energy to do any of that after nine hours keeping a toddler occupied at home. (Side note: Stay at home moms you are superheroes). Every day is essentially the same, and that is not something I’m used to.
I miss face to face conversations and being surrounded by other people. I miss working in coffee shops and going for brunch and getting dressed up nice to go out for a drink. I miss having “weekend plans” and exploring new places and having time to myself. I miss the people I love, I miss knowing when my next adventure will be and I hate not knowing when I will next be able to visit my family and friends back home in Canada. I miss watching Charlotte at music class and swimming class and learning to interact with her little friends. I miss photographing happy people and happy events and the buzz that comes with that. I miss waking up to start a day that I know will be different from the last.
When I look back at the first three weeks it’s easy to see what each one was dominated by. The first week was grief: with loss of freedom and massive change in every area of our lives, along with a ton of stress and worry and anxiety. Week two was essentially an experiment in managing a new lifestyle, with lots of trial and error and trying our best to navigate through it. Week three has been about finding a way to cope with all of the above- and learning to set more realistic expectations for what I can get done in a day, and in a week, without sacrificing my mental health. There are still good (manageable) days and bad (overwhelming) days, but we are getting out of bed, showing up and doing the best we can- and right now I think that counts as a win.
Weeks Two and Three in Photos:
